Q: " I just found out that my husband lied to me about somethin that happened a few years ago. I'm so upset...

...but I feel like an idiot because it happened so long ago and we're different people now. How do I get over this hurt without totally discounting my reaction?"

A: Firstly, I'm sorry that you feel so bad, secondly, don't beat yourself up about feeling badly about it, it may have happened years ago, but you are experiencing it today, and that is very real. Here are 10 steps I've written for you to help you get over it.

1. Go do something totally unrelated that requires 100% of your energy. Even if it's tasting every singe ingredient in your dinner. Put your entire being into every bite.

2. Call a the most empathetic non-judgemental friend you have, and calmly tell them what happened. No drama is necessary, just the facts about what happened and how it made you feel.

3. If your current heartache or disappointment has to do with another person (as it usually does) try your best to avoid contact with that person until you can figure out what you want to happen moving forward. If you live with this person it can be tough. Honesty is the best policy here, although tact is also at a premium. Instead of screaming at the top of your lungs that you want them to get out of your face, respectfully let them know you are hurt and that you are going to need some space before you can think about the situation in a non-destructive way. You'll feel like a grown up when you phrase it in a way that lays a respectful foundation for discussion later - BONUS - Due to all the movies about cold calculated revenge out there - it can really scare the bejesus out of the other person when they see that you can remain calm and rational.

4. Watch a complicated 'tearjerker' movie that makes you cry for reasons unrelated to you're own current heartbreak. This is a healthy empathetic way to release all that pent up energy, and help you focus your attention elsewhere. Comedies never seem to work for me when I am feeling powerless, I just don't connect.

5. Don't try to rationalize yourself out of your emotions. You have every right to feel bad for as long as you want. Give yourself full permission to feel whatever it is that you are feeling until you want to feel better.

6. Once you want to feel better, do something that symbolically removes the heartache or disappointment. Taking a shower and washing it all down the drain works well for me.
The object here is to find some relief from the heaviness you felt, so even if thinking about revenge feels better to you, give over to that feeling and let yourself stay there for as long as you want to.

7. When you realize you feel even a tiny bit better, think about what you want to happen NOW. Being that none of us can change the past, there isn't much reason to dwell in it. How would you like things to work out from this moment on. Try to be as straightforward and positive as possible. Saying to yourself "I don't want to feel bad anymore" is not very specific about what you DO want.

8. Think about why you want it. - This could take a while, I often have no cognisant idea about why I want anything until I really take some time to break it all down. If you are like me, making a list of reasons why you want what you want and then ranking them in priority can be very productive.

9. Try to feel how you will feel when you get what you want. This may be the single most important step of the whole thing. Without emotion behind your wants and desires, they're just empty statements. I thought for the longest time that this was just a hokey idea, but I found that if I really wanted to change something, I not only had to understand it intellectually, I had to believe in it with all my heart.

10. Be prepared to forgive the offender for being human even if that offender is You. Once you feel that you have some clarity about how to move forward and feel good about it - DO it. If this means having a rational mutually respectful conversation with the offending party, do so.
Whatever you've decided you would like to happen NOW, as long as it feels better to you take responsibility for it and do it.

forkUNIVERS[ity]

Hello everyone! I wanted to invite all of you to check out my up and coming site for Fork University. Some Chicago Coaches and Presenters are starting a Co-Op of sorts online by listing a few of their e-courses, tele-courses, and workshops on one central site. The idea being that getting the information you want and need for personal growth should be easy to find. Each coach or presenter has her/his own bio (with links to their personal site) as well as their course schedule and payment options listed right on the site. We will also have a separate blog and run advertising on Google Search(ever notice that Google's blogs pop up on the first page of any web search?) Anyway, the site is up in it's preliminary stages. Please do check out the site, and let me know what you think of it. forkUNIVERS[ity]

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A Day at The Beach

Psychic Premonition and Law of Attraction

Recently, I was asked how law of attraction applied to psychic premonition, I actually had to call around to have psychic premonition explained to me, Maria Salgado owner of Ki-Essentials reiki studio in Chicago broke it down to me. I took what she told me about psychic premonition and applied it to LOA. My understanding is that psychic dreams and premonitions are intuition about vibrations that exist NOW. It's like a freebie advanced notice from the Universe that if the energy continues on as-is this or that will happen, you can use these foretelling feelings to focus on and heighten what it is that you felt if it's a good thing, or you can use them to send out a strong rocket of desire in the opposite direction or in a healing direction if it's a bad thing. My more 'sensitive' friends and clients tend to agree that it is because they ALLOW themselves to be sensitive to the energy of the world around them that they receive these feeling messages. It also has been explained to me that the real trick is to not feel powerless when you get these feelings.
We have been conditioned by pop culture to believe that foretelling future events suggests some kind of finite path and we are powerless to stop it, but really, if you are tuned in to your intuition about the current energy around you, you do have the power to change or heighten the experience just by thinking and feeling about it! So, to answer the question: do you cause these things to happen by thinking and feeling about them, yes, the law of attraction applies to EVERYTHING , but cause is such a loaded word it can be hard to hear, so maybe I should say it's because you ALLOW yourself to listen to your INSTINCT (read: emotional guidance system) that you are privy to what may or may not be in the works, and yes, you do have power to change what is happening, but in some instances, take foretelling the world trade center bombing for instance, the energy that you are feeling might have so much momentum that there is no stopping the event, at which point you may want to work on sending out healing energy and prayers.

Thanks

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